Think Before You Post: Social-Networking and Family Court

To say social-networking sites such as Facebook, Myspace and Twitter are popular would be an understatement. With nearly 600 million combined members, these online gathering places allow users to keep tabs on current friends, reconnect with those long lost and even meet new people. From high school students to high powered executives, nearly everyone has a membership on one (or all) of these sites. For those looking to connect or reconnect, social-networking can be fun and even addictive. However, for those looking to disconnect or obtain a favorable verdict in family court, these sites can be very dangerous playgrounds.

Take for example the following cases:

1. Husband’s mistress tweeted about a fabulous new piece of jewelry he just bought her.

2. In a custody case, the mother (who was attempting to gain primary custody of her children) posted photos on Myspace that showed her drinking, smoking marijuana and engaging in inappropriate activities with both men and women.

3. A man, who claimed he needed a reduction in his child support obligation because he was unemployed, posted photos on Facebook of a new $60,000 luxury vehicle he had recently purchased. (His modification was denied).

4. A middle school student bragged about not having to go to school because his “mom doesn't care” whether he goes or not. (Dad was awarded primary custody in this case).

When a new client comes to my office for a divorce or custody consultation, I always ask whether they have an account on one of these sites. I then advise them to clean it up. Even if your profile is private, be careful what you post. Material found on these sites can be evidentiary gold-mines for your ex’s attorney. Think your page is secure? Think again. Your ex (or your ex’s new partner) may have befriended a friend of yours or created a fake profile all together to spy on you and possibly obtain unfavorable evidence that will help them in court! I have seen it happen.

If you are involved in a divorce or other family law matter, proceed with caution when deciding what to post on these sites. If you wouldn't want the Judge to see it, don’t post it!

Dallas Judge Clears Way for Gay Divorce

Back in March, I posted a story of a Dallas man who married his longtime partner in Massachusetts and later asked a Texas court to grant him a divorce. The Court refused to hear the case due to same-sex marriages not being recognized in Texas. Recently, however, Judge Tena Callahan, lifted the ban on gay divorce when she ruled last week that two men married in another state can get divorced in Dallas. While gay rights advocates are applauding Judge Callahan's decision, the state attorney general said Friday that he would appeal the decision.

Our Family Wizard – Taking the Stress Out of Communication and Planning

When a relationship involving children ends, it is often difficult (and sometimes impossible) to keep the lines of communication open. You said soccer practice was at 3:00, he thought you said 4:30. You said you were picking the kids up Friday night, she forgot and took them to the movies instead.

OurFamilyWizard.Com is designed to reduce, if not eliminate, the stress that often arises due to breakdowns in communication between parents who live in separate households.

For a small fee, parents can keep an online calendar (that the other parent can access 24 hours a day, 7 days a week) of extracurricular activities, appointments, school information, expenses, medical information, visitation periods, etc.

This site is a great tool that makes co-parenting easier and a lot less stressful. For more information, log onto http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/

OFW News : 07/01/2008 – “One of the greatest benefits to using the OurFamilyWizard website is the ability to help control the amount of "he said/she said". The OurFamilyWizard website allows parents to keep very accurate records of what was said and when it was said. In most cases, especially high conflict cases, the chronology of events is just as important as the events themselves.”

10 Holiday Tips for Divorced Parents

Divorce is emotionally draining, especially during the holidays and special occasions. Divorced parents must communicate with even more diplomacy, patience, mutual understanding, respect, and tolerance than married couples planning holiday travel, dinners, reunions and gift-giving. Juggling schedules during marriage is hard, and it only gets harder after divorce.

Here are 10 tips for making sure everyone enjoys special occasions:

1. Plan Ahead

Develop a parenting schedule before the holidays.
Avoid scheduling the children for dinner with Dad at noon and a second turkey dinner a few hours later with Mom. Instead, arrange for Dad to spend the entire day with the children in all odd-numbered years, and have Mom spend the holiday with them in all even-numbered years.

If possible, hire a parenting coordinator, usually a child psychologist or divorce lawyer appointed by the court to act as a decision-maker until a judge makes a different decision. You have quicker access to the coordinator than the judge, but the coordinator must be paid.

2. Keep Your Word

Stick to the schedule. Arrive on time and drop off the children on time.

3. Keep in Touch

If the children are not with you for the holidays, call them, and be sure to send cards or email. Consider celebrating the holiday or birthday before or after the actual day. Children love parties and gifts any time - nothing fancy - but something special you create just for them.

4. Let the Children Keep in Touch

If the children spend the holiday with you, let them speak with the other parent. Give the children any cards and email from the other parent, and read the messages to young children who cannot read. If the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call, and let them have a quiet moment to speak with the other parent. Make sure to avoid planning an exciting activity like gift-opening at the same time that the children are scheduled to speak with their Mom or Dad.

Remember, children usually have a short attention span, so do not blame the other parent if conversations are short.

5. Safe Travel

Make travel arrangements with airlines for long-distance travel. Airlines provide supervision for unaccompanied minors for a nominal fee.

6. The Art of Gift-Giving

Coordinate gift-giving with the other parent. Do not give your child a cell phone if you know Mom is giving her a phone. If your ex-spouse will not cooperate, go ahead with your own plans, but do not complain to the children about the other parent.

7. Acknowledge the Child's Right to Enjoyment

Let your child take gifts to your ex-spouse's home. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy or bicycle, let your child take it back to her Dad's home, if she wants.

8. To Each His Own

Let the children spend Mother's Day with Mom and Father's Day with Dad.

9. Create Your Own Celebrations

Do not insist upon attending your child's birthday or graduation party if your ex-spouse is throwing the party. Give your own party on another day.

10. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents

Help your child buy or make a gift and card for the other parent, if the child is too young to handle the tasks herself. You are doing your child a favor, not your ex-spouse, because you are giving your child permission to love the other parent - the best gift you can give.


By: Sharyn T. Sooho

Time Is Money: Dealing Successfully With a Divorce Attorney

Dealing with divorce and divorce lawyers is not much different than taking a trip without first plotting out the route. If you go to a matrimonial lawyer without specific objectives or goals in mind, and think he or she can fix it for you, you'll be disappointed. Given a specific set of facts, lawyers are trained to apply the law and advise clients about ways to attain specific goals - or at least some of them.

Here are some basic guidelines:

1. Gather as much of your financial and other information as possible before you go to see your lawyer. This includes tax returns and schedules, financial statements, budget documents and the like from at least the last five years.

2. Make sure your fee arrangement is in writing, that you understand it before you sign, and that everyone understands how you will pay your bill. Generally, lawyers are not allowed to take a percentage of what is recovered for you in a divorce case, so expect to pay by the hour.

3. Since you won't always need to talk to your lawyer when you have questions, meet and get to know the paralegal or secretary.

4. Write out your questions, then make an appointment with the lawyer and take notes about what you're told.

5. Photocopies made at the lawyer's office may cost you 25 or more cents per page, sometimes plus the time of the person making the copies. So for numerous copies, consider making your own at copy shops to save money.

6. If you don't understand something, ask. And if you have a problem with the way your lawyer is handling your case, also ask. Don't allow the issue to fester.

7.Your lawyer should keep you reasonably informed about the status of your case by sending you copies of what goes out of the office. Then you'll be less likely to make emergency calls. Remember: Spur-of-the-moment calls just to find out what's going on can get expensive.

8. Don't second-guess your lawyer based on the advice of friends and family. But if you feel strongly about a point, seek a second opinion. Let your lawyer know you feel this way.

9. Remember that your lawyer works for you. After you have been fully informed and have reviewed your options, you and your lawyer should decide upon a course of action suitable to your situation.

10. Don't be surprised if your case takes time to get resolved. Although everyone is in a hurry to complete his/her case, you will have no control over scheduling issues that can keep your case in limbo for a long time.

11. If your lawyer promises or guarantees you a result, get another lawyer.

Jan Collins, a writer and editor, and Jan Warner, matrimonial tax and elder-law attorney.

What is an Uncontested Divorce? Is it right for you?

Uncontested divorces are divorces of agreement. In an uncontested divorce, the parties agree to resolve all issues (prior to filing) without the need for court intervention.

Here, the lawyer's role is limited to the preparation of pleadings, the divorce decree, and the closing documents. Typically, there is only one lawyer involved, and only one court appearance is necessary to finalize the divorce. Because of this, legal fees are substantially reduced.

To determine whether an uncontested divorce is right for you, consider the following:

• Marital Property Division
• Child Support
• Child Custody
• Debt Allocation

If you and your spouse can reach an agreement on the above, there is no reason why you shouldn't be able to proceed with an uncontested divorce.

The Divorce Process: Do's and Don'ts

Divorce can be a difficult process. Even in the best of circumstances, tempers may run high, and every decision can seem to be more stressful than the last. It is only human to find yourself reacting emotionally at certain stages of a divorce, but it is important to remember that your actions throughout the process can affect your familial, emotional, and financial situation for years to come. Following are some "do's and don'ts" for the divorce process.

THE DO's

DO be reasonable and cooperate as much as possible with your soon-to-be-ex. Reasonable compromise yields quicker and easier results in divorce cases.

DO support your children through this process. It's even tougher on them than on you. Don't make them pick sides.

DO let your spouse know when and where you will spend time with your kids while you work out permanent custody arrangements. Your spouse might think you've made a run for the border -- and if your soon-to-be-ex has to ask the police to track you down, that won't look good during custody or visitation hearings.

DO fully disclose all your assets and property. A court can throw out a divorce decree based on financial deception, putting you back in court years after you thought everything was final.

DO ask your attorney if anything doesn't make sense. Your attorney works for you, and should help you understand every part of the divorce process.

THE DON'Ts

DON'T make big plans to take a job in another state or move out of the country until your divorce is final. Your new life could interfere with getting your divorce finalized.

DON'T violate any temporary custody or visitation arrangements. It could make it tougher for you to get the custody or visitation rights you prefer.

DON'T "give away" property to friends or relatives and arrange to get it back later. Hiding property can mean your spouse can take you back to court to settle those assets.

DON'T go it alone. Divorce is complicated, and an attorney can make sure that your interests are protected.

Copyright © 2008 FindLaw